My thoughts have been silent lately. They have ceased and become distant phone call which rang but no one answered. I was tormented, often with decisions I made on my own accord. The experiences were intense and honestly, I cannot remember why I chose them. Oh yeah... I didn't want to heed Your warnings. I knew that giving myself everything I wanted was not going to make me happy. I just could not patiently wait for You to give them to me. Is it so bad to indulge every so often? Is it really wrong for me to lust after the things I want? Alright I may not know what I truly need but it really feels good?!?!! Why should I have feelings if I am not supposed to stimulate them? For example that time I did indulge, and I got overweight.. Well what about that night I went out with that cute girl and we got drunk, I could have died.. Ok You are right. I don't know what I need for me life. Show me?
I am ready. I just ask that I am not in some weird place with no Tv, well its not that important. Or not somewhere that hates me completely!! It's just that I am... I'm sacred. I am afraid of what may happen. I know you promise me that You will never leave nor forsake me. A lot of people have failed me. It really hurts. I am afraid of being alone You know that. You know my dream is to be a husband and a HERO to my children. Like You are to me. I look up to You. I wish I can understand things like You do, but I know I cannot handle that much responsibility. I thank You that even though I left You and insulted You, You still love me. There was no finger pointing at me, instead arms stretch wide open to receive me when I came home. Thank you for not forgetting me, but forgetting all I have done.
I am glad to be back home.